Help Me Help You

Sometime, Tao fights me when I try to change his diaper. He swings his arms, kicks his feet, screams from the debts of his soul, and even pees on me in self defense. Usually, this dance we play is part sad and part humorous to me.

But I’ve found that when I’m short on sleep, patience can escape me and I can forget to put myself in his crab-print onesie. I find myself wanting to force things, which only makes him fight (and perhaps pee) harder. I stand over him thinking “come onnnn just let me help you!” and forget that he is looking up feeling “cold, scary, danger, help.”

The more I learn this dance, the more I understand the rhythm. You have to move with equal parts intention and love. It’s best for everyone if it’s done quickly, but not at a pace that makes it seem rushed and out of control. And sometimes you have to stop leading and learn to follow. Let him move his limbs to his own beat for a minute, and then pick the dance back up where you left off.

If you feel like someone is getting in the way of you helping them, consider if your actions are as helpful as your thoughts. It’s much easier to think “let me help you” then it is to actually help. And remember, a leader who doesn’t know how and when to follow is not the best dance partner.