Love.Hate.Music

Imagine if the thing that could calm you in the middle of Armageddon was the same thing that could stress you out on a Sunday morning when you’re wrapped up in blankets with your dog next to your bed and nothing to do all day; if the thing that pushed you forward when life’s hurricane was coming right at you was the same thing that pulled you back when you were one step away from untroubledville. You might have this type of dysfunctional relationship with a drug or a woman, I have recently developed it with Music.

The process of making an album is one of my favorite things in the world but as I expect more from my music the whole thing becomes increasingly more complicated. In order to improve the quality of my sound I have reached out to the people I’m closest to and respect the most. In turn I have partially lost control of the thing that controls me. While I know this is essential to my growth as an artist it is still hard to come to terms with.

Where is Smoothie? Didn’t you have an album release party for it six months ago? Is this going to turn into Detox?

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about quitting. Every night when I’m in that self-searching place between comparing the darkness of the room to the darkness of my closed eyes I think about this album. I think about what is missing, how I’m going to promote it, how I’m going to make the money I spent on it back, and if it will live up to what it is in my mind. I think about how I can motivate the people I’m depending on to finish it. I wish I had enough money to make my project their priority. I hate bugging people who are doing me favors.

I also think about the stories behind the songs. I think about how fun each one was to make and how talented each person that contributed is. I envision people listening to it in their car while they drive to work on a cold day and in their earphones as they breakthrough clouds flying to whatever place waits for them. I think about my friends calling and writing to tell me how much they enjoy it and strangers shaking my hand after a show. I love hip hop so much.

I just spent over a year in Colombia making music for a living and a month after getting back to the states have already been asked to do the same in Rwanda. I could create music and see the world… it’s what I always wanted. At the same time I can’t help but feel like I’m giving up by abandoning the almighty quest to become famous. Is this where my yellow brick road has been heading all along? Thoughts bounce across the walls of my mind until I finally drift into the sleep I have been patiently waiting for.

Love it or hate it, the reality is I’m addicted to it. So you can go back to living your life and I’ll return to being pinky and the brain for however many nights it takes to finish this. Once the album comes out I’ll live carefree for a few months and then I’ll start the whole thing over again. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? It absolutely is

but God I love it.

Most people tried to sprint there I took the scenic, and learned the man who knows he knows nothing is the genius.

Join our Addictive Nature fb page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Addictive-Nature/111638225522127