First Days on the Job

We’ve been parents for two hours and I’m already exhausted. After 24 hours of unmedicated labor, 2 hours of actively pushing, and a few golden hours of meeting our son, Tao, for the first time, we were moved to the parental care room on the floor above. When the door shut for the first time our family sank into the silence of the room the way your head falls into a pillow after a long day. But the peace and quiet was short lived.

Nurses, doctors, and students started coming in and out, a cycle that would repeat every couple hours for the next two days. At one point, a photographer came into the room offering family photos, something neither my mental state nor my hair was ready for. The constant check ins and guidance made sleep impossible, but I was glad to be walking this tight rope with them as our safety net.

Despite the hours of e-learning modules, in-person classes, articles, books, and endless advice from friends and family, I still still riddled with doubt. My lack of confidence in the task at hand, a new stack of reading materials on the nightstand, and the mental fog from supporting Lisa over the last day left me disoriented. I can’t imagine how she feels.

“Wait, how do you hold the bottle again?” I ask Lisa while struggling to get him to eat.

“What’s the best way to support his head when burping him?” I wonder while attempting to hold him over my should, pat his back, and prevent his head from flopping around, a task that seems to require three hands.

“Can a swaddle be too tight?” I whisper into the darkness while getting him ready for bed. “I can’t believe the nurses don’t walk us through how to do these thing. This doesn’t feel like a trial and error type of situation,” I say while pressing my ear to his nose to make sure he is still breathing. The stakes feel so high.

I made a few mistakes during these two days but nothing that we couldn’t course correct with a little help. I found that the support I needed was there, I just had to push the button and ask. We did have one nurse who seemed reluctant to answer questions and made us feel guilty for not knowing everything, but the others made up for her lack of empathy and set the tone for our first few days on the job. While clocking in for the first time was scary, and learning by doing was overwhelming at first, we were grateful for the opportunity to practice being Tao’s parents in a safe space without people hovering over us at all times.

While self-paced materials and check-ins are an important part of the orientation process, people also need the opportunity to contribute to meaningful tasks from the beginning. Doing so instills trust, helps them learn how to collaborate with their teammates, and gives them a chance to introduce themselves through their work. But what kind of tasks are right for a new colleague? Real ones.

Avoid the urge to micromanage and instead focus on establishing the psychological safety that invites them to seek support when they need it. You can do this by encouraging them to ask questions, clarifying the best communications channels, and celebrating their curiosity and vulnerability when they do so.

Your new teammate might feed Tao too quickly at first, or attempt to burp him a little too long, but if given the chance to practice and timely feedback they will learn not just what to do but how to do it.