Time to Heal

Tao’s tongue tie procedure was surprisingly quick. After a few minutes examining his mouth, the pediatric dentist confirmed that his tie was serious enough to potentially cause eating and speech issues, so we agreed to the procedure and she took our baby away. No more than 5 minutes later she came back into the room with Tao peacefully sleeping in her arms. But this was far from over.

In order to prevent the scab under his tongue from healing incorrectly and reversing the procedure we have to perform a series of tongue stretches on him every 4 hours for 4 weeks. Here’s how it goes. First, I run my finger across the sides and top of his mouth. As I do so, his tongue follows my finger around and inevitably activates his gag reflect. This gets the crying started. Then I place my index fingers under his tongue, my middle fingers on his chin to hold his mouth open when he tries to bite down, and I push his tongue to the back of his mouth. As his tongue moves back it stretches the scab to elongate it. I then rub my finger across the scab to open it up, preventing it from healing in a way that would reverse the procedure. At this point, Tao’s face is bright red and his scream cuts through me.

I’m doing my best to connect with the deeper message of this experience, but it’s hard. I know this discomfort is temporary and in his best interest. I could try to write about how without consistent follow through, our best intentions to change can lead us right back to where we started. But the truth is I’m not yet ready to tell this story. And that’s the best lesson I can gather from this at the moment.

Emotional scabs take time to heal. It can be therapeutic to dig deeper into our experiences to discover what they teach us and how they change us, and empowering to share what we uncover with others, but becoming ready to do so can take time. Trying to rush the healing process can be harmful for you and others. As a leader, you must take care of yourself before you can support others. Take the time and seek the support you need. And encourage your teammates to do the same when they are going through difficult times.

As Tao’s scab heals, so will the one on my heart. Eventually we’ll both be able to talk about it.